Strike in Kathmandu
This morning the Maoist party called a 3 day general strike meaning NO vehicles on the road. How bizzare, I can’t imagine a Kathmandu without honking horns but will go and check it out later.. maybe I even get some snaps of a demonstration.
http://www.nepalnews.com/main/index.php/news-archive/1-top-story/2993-bandh-affects-life-throughout-the-nation.html
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Tags: kathmandu, Maoist strike, nepal, strike
Kathmandu night life
I been here about 10 days and have seen all the sites in and around Kathmandu. Going up the Nanakot and seeing the Himalayas was amazing. Can’t wait to fly around Mt Everest and when I return in January to finally do some traveling around.
Had another mishap with a big client the other day. So tired of not being able to switch off. It’s always there and makes me feel so un-free. But then I shouldn’t complain I have it much better than many people.
Yesterday I had dinner with the other partners of my outsourcing company. They are great guys.. I really like Nepalis. They are so heartfelt. The main business partner asked me a lot of questions about my sexuality. About being gay (or bisexual).. if I have a girlfriend or boyfriend, why not, when will I, why am I alone… it went on and on. Not judging though, he was genuinely interested in my situation and full of wonder how different I am to what they are used to.
Still, after all this years I am not comfortable at introducing my self or coming out to certain people as completely gay. I tell them I am bisexual as if this will ensure some familiarity. I guess it’s not lying since I have had a lot of girlfriends.. though, I don’t intend to have any more.. so really, it is a lie and I am not right about it.
After the dinner I went out to a couple of bars and nightclubs and got myself completely smashed. Met some travelers, a Nepali guy tried to crack onto .. fairly forcefully actually (surprising for this culture) he didn’t want to take no for an answer and ‘hovered’ around me.
So funny, I went to 2 clubs, the first one, they suddenly turned the music off and the lights on and just threw everyone out because the police had arrived. This was about 11pm…???WTF?? The second club I went to was pretty big with lots of security. A frisking for weapons felt more then heavy petting in .. all.. the places.. then same thing happened, 1am, police in full combat uniforms and guns come in, turn off the music and tell everyone to leave!! So my rigshaw driver takes me back to the first place I was earlier and it was open again and packed.. stayed there till about 5am.. such a strange place!!
Of course today I am very hungover and spend all day watching DVD’s.. that’s ok, I am on HOLIDAYS!!!
R and I have decided on the costing for the new company yesterday. I am getting very excited about it.. the potential is fabulous!! ahhh… a new life looms outside my Apartment.
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Tags: gay, kathmandu, nepal, night life
This is my second day in Nepal and this morning I am quiet emotional. There is something serene and subtle about this place beneath or perhaps above all the chaos of traffic, dust and molehill architecture. But mostly it is within me. I am finally relinquishing control and feel my heart to melt.
Sitting after breakfast staring out onto the rooftops I saw my dream of the ethical company more clearly. I saw a possible future if I choose to take it. Something that will be so much more important and hopefully also fulfilling than my current work situation.
My life back in Sydney lingers in my mind and drags me towards the stress / control gridlock whenever I let my mind think about it. It’s not easy to not think about it since I have projects going on and will be working from here for the next 2 weeks.
While I was in transit something went wrong with a newly launched site for a very very important corporate client. I got this client through a guy I know who runs a communications agency and has a high grade portfolio. The problem was my girl in the Philippines for some reason didn’t get the emails so didn’t respond to the issue leaving the client in limbo for a day. This could have detrimental effect since this guy has other jobs he wanted me to quote on that are more than double the budget to what I am used to. To make matters worse I have a crush on him and know him socially as well, so any criticism I do really take to heart. This is his text to me:
We are experiencing great difficulty with continuity of our service offer to our client, and the reputation of our agency is being massively compromised. Could you please contact me as soon as possible.
Now what happened wasn’t such a big deal and it makes me question if I want to invite this kind of stress into my live. I think with dread if something serious went wrong and with technology this is always a possibility.
So as I was sitting there this morning after breakfast and I allowed the sadness rise in my heart of disappointing someone I greatly respect and dare I say, love. I thought to myself… What for??? Is it worth it? All this stress for money alone? It all makes me feel so empty. It’s just so pointless. I have enough money, how much more do I need? I have reached the point where more doesn’t matter. I can afford everything I need and want except the things I really need and want. Meaning, purpose, an open heart, love, connection.
Last night I went out here in Thamel (Kathmandu) and walking down the street this 17 year old boy came up and started talking to me. We got chatting and I asked him for a good bar. He took me to this rooftop place with live music. We had beer, great conversation and I bought him dinner as he was hungry. After we left he conned me out of about $15US because he needed a hotel room as he wouldn’t be allowed in where he stayed.. they lock the doors after 10. I didn’t believe it and I didn’t mind being conned. More the contrary, I enjoyed it!
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Tags: change, connectedness, decisions, identity, love of money, nepal, photography, purpose, reality, realization, spiritual journey
One week to go.
One more week before I go to Nepal!!! I am so excited. Really looking forward to my time away. Of course just to make things a little more difficult I just got another major project through that needs to be ready by the end of Jan. . the joys of running your own business. Just can’t switch off completely.
May not make it to Tibet as I am planning to meet up with a friend in Cambodia over New Years. I thought some time in the sun.. on a beach would be nice. Don’t want to be cold the entire time.
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Tags: nepal, travel
Had a great day today reading and hanging out. It was quiet hot and in the afternoon I went for a scoot down the art gallery to have a look around. Something I like doing on a weekend and I hadn’t been for a while. When I left I noticed St Marys Cathedral not too far away. I hadn’t been there for ages and decided to stop by.
I am not a Christian but find old churches amazing. St Marys is the biggest and oldest European style cathedral. It really takes me back to my childhood walking in there.
Today was amazing. I had such a calm wash over me as I walked through. The place felt so charged with grace, god presence / serenity that I sat down for a long time just soaking up the energy. There are always a lot of tourists walking through which is ok unless they are rude and talk loudly or take photos with flash even though you aren’t supposed to take photos .. and the like.
I remembered the little area behind the altar where tourists are asked to refrain from unless they want to pray. So I went there and meditated for half hour or so. It was great. I haven’t felt this serene in a long time. Buddhists use the various faces of the Buddha and other deities as objects of meditation. Hindus do the same thing where you visualize or meditate upon the virtue of that deity until you embody this virtue yourself. Today I used Jesus Christ as my deity to meditate upon. Why? Why not? I was brought up with Jesus and to meditate on the selfless love of Jesus radiating out of my heart really worked!
I can see some strange hybrid where In general my believe system is Yogic but instead of taking on the Hindu Deities I use what I am accustomed to. Jesus, Mother Mary, God, the Holy Spirit.. all within a Catholic Church! Just don’t tell them I believe in re-incarnation or I may get kicked out…hehe.
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Tags: buddhism, christianity, deiety, meditation, spiritual journey, spirituality
And agian
Sunday today and once again hung over. I was meant to go up the coast yesterday to a friends 40th birthday party. But didn’t go as I have a bit of a cold and wasn’t feeling up to hiring the car, 3 hours drive.. party, sleep and then drive back. So I hopped onto my scooter and went down to this little hidden beach on the harbour and watched the boats go by, had a swim.. then went shopping for new bed linen (finally.. it’s awesome) and then stayed home cooked some dinner watched Interview with the vampire and had 2 bottles of wine!
I am just so stuck in this routine. Can’t wait to go traveling and getting some new perspectives. I am just soooo BORED!
Watched this amazing documentary about the Buddha Boy this morning. He’s been meditating in Nepal under a tree for years now.. apparently without food or water??!!!?? Would love to visit him when I am there but I think he has vanished into the jungle at the moment.
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Tags: bored, buddha-boy, pissed
Impermanence
Watching the Arias tonight… and one thing that spring to mind.
The passion of music and how much I believe that music can be transcendental. It can take you to another place that can connect you to a higher realm. Problem of course is it doesn’t last… but then does spirituality itself?? I am reading all these books and hear these stories of people about connecting with the divine… but they also seem to me momentary experiences. I myself have had these experiences and they didn’t last.
I guess to be permanently living in this bliss means to be enlightened. I will have to go on a journey to find a person like this. For whom it lasts. Because right now I can’t see it.. and it makes a spiritual religious persuit no different to what I allready get out of being creative, and sex, and alcohol.
I reach some highs out of creating great web designs. I can bathe in its beauty for a while but they fade. What doesn’t fade.. or does everything fade?
Maybe that’s my religion. To get pissed and listen to music, looking at beautiful art and imagining God. And then I die… but don’t we all? Is a short life a bad life? Does it matter once you are dead? It’s not like you’ll remember… just like falling asleep… no pain!
Food for thought!
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Tags: connectedness, happieness, spirituality
Treadmill
I leave for Nepal and Tibet in about 2 weeks time. It will be part work and part travel and I am so looking forward to it. My outsourcing company is there and I need to do training with them for the next level of building the business next year.
That said I am so not into it. I am reading Eat, Pray, Love at the moment. The story of a 32 year old girl going on a spiritual journey of self discovery. That’s exactly what I want to do..
Today I am feeling sick and thought to myself to have a day off, reading. But it’s close to impossible. When I hear the email sound or the phone go in the office my whole body tightens up and I am driven .. yes, compelled to go to the computer to see what is going on… and what is going on? Another project, another problem to solve, another web site to build… is this my life? For every?
argh!
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Tags: change, mundane, nepal, routine, Tibet, treadmill
Since my last post I have gone through a dis-contentment with Buddhism and most other philosophies for this matter. A focus on loss of ego and compassion is a good thing but only to a point in my mind. I believe you need an ego and compassion that is in balance. If you have no ego at all you can’t function in this world. You’d have no power no ambition no strength. I also don’t believe all live is suffering. Yes there is suffering and there is pleasure and joy and pain and everything else that makes this a human experience. Right now I am not in pain and not suffering. I am also not willing to give up all my desires and wants. I do lie to come to a point of not being attached to them though.
It’s more about the flow of life and living in this flow without resistance or attachment to certain outcomes. Like a child lives precariously in the world… but with the balance of intellect, experience and choice. Further the obvious omission of sexuality from most religions is something I don’t understand. It is part of being human and in my mind a spirituality should embrace sexuality not telling you it’s best to restrain from it. I don’t want a new believe system that is limiting but enabling, freeing!
This is drawing me to the Vedic and Tantric believe systems. Hinduism.. I like the idea of a spirituality that is looking for the divine in ourselves and in everyday life. Where it’s about the flow of life and being a part of it not trying to separate yourself from it.
I am going to Nepal and Tibet for 6 weeks over Christmas and January. Partly work as my outsourcing company is there that I am starting a new venture with next year. It’s interesting how I got involved with this co from a country that is so spiritual and that I may end up visiting frequently. I can’t help but thing that an alignment is happening here… for the first time in a long time I am excited about something.. I see a possibility of a new phase in life that doesn’t feel stagnant, bored and full of alcohol and sorrow.
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Tags: alcoholic, buddhism, change, crossroad, spiritual journey, spirituality, Suffering, tantric, vedic
Today I had my meditation course. One of the concepts introduced was the way everything came into being was by the energy of the universe starting to reflect on itself. Looking at itself causing it to split over and over and over infinite times and this process is still continuing. It’s how everything keeps on evolving.
When I was very young I had a set of very very strange experiences. I looked deep into my eyes in the mirror asking myself.. is this really me? Do I really exist. I asked that question over and over and with each round I felt like I was dissolving until I couldn’t stand it anymore and I had to break the cycle. At the time I thought I was going crazy. It was such a strange sensation. Like I was loosing my identity right in front of my eyes, literally. I repeated this quiet a view times.. I must have been about 9 or 10 years old.
I feel I am in this strange in-between stage at the moment. Like the old has gone, I can’t participate in life for my own gratification anymore. It doesn’t give me enough. But I haven’t quit clicked through either. Like I am mid-jump.
What is my Dharma or purpose. The good thing is I have the tools to find it now. Meditation, relaxing into the flow of life, putting intentions out and listening to the signs. Growing more conscious.
It’s only the beginning.
Who am I?
What do I want?
What is my Dharma?
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Tags: connectedness, Deepak Chopra, Dharma, identity, meditation, mindfulness, purpose, reality, spiritual journey, spirituality, universal truth
Recent Entries
- Strike in Kathmandu
- Kathmandu night life
- Nepal: Serenity above chaos & thoughts of the future
- One week to go.
- Meditating on Jesus as a non christian
- And agian
- Impermanence
- Treadmill
- Quest for an all inclusive Spirituality
- The Universe looking back at itself
- Right action with wrong attitude is of no benefit.
